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AWF 2013
Missing Contestants Brackets South Region - AWF 2013 Norf Region - AWF 2013 Final Four Minutes taken by Scribe Max Michael and edited some Here begin the festivities of this blessed night of March 29th in the year of our lord 2013. The air is heavy with the anxious breath of the children. They are squealing with excitement, but “WHAT ABOUT THE MATTRESSES?” This seems to be the prevailing pre-contest question. Where are they? Shall they come on the wings of eagles? No, these beds come in the bed of Jordan Knight’s truck. (…Also, at this point in the time the FGCU is losing by the 3 points.) Participants this year include: Zach Hailey, Zach Hanna, Simon Zhang, Braden Niblock, Jacob Fay, David Pencharina, Nathan Dickerson, Jacob Klotz, Andrew Mauldin, Logan Horne, Ray Zhang, William Nessler, Carson Warren, Creed Burkhead, Kalvin Graham, Jake Wells, Chris Brown, Timothy Miles, Austin McCoy, Danny Jackson, Adam Dell, Carson Isenburg, Tyler Webb, Kyle Johnson, (and also, Garrett Smith is here but he is too strong and virile to wrestle amongst the children so he shall be the referee) with guest appearances of BG, Aaron McGaughy’s twin brothers, Blake Hemphill, assorted people’s contacts, and Jelly Beans. Also, Caleb Williams has just entered the building. A grueling pre-match match between Keller and BG ensues in which Keller loses. There was much hood-pulling, body squeezing, and other sorts of squeezing that shall not be detailed. Cabot Huffstutter enters… Reid says, “A Huffstutter is here.” (probably because he doesn’t know whether it is Corbin or Cabot.) “YAAAAAAAAHGUGHDUAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHWOOOOSHHYYYAAAAAAAA!” –the crowd (also, note that the crowd’s reaction to the entrance of Payton Weeks was very similar; however, substitute the “Y’s” for “B’s” and the “A’s” for “O’s”) Because of the inherent repetitive nature of match after match(stick) after match(maker) after match(.com), here begins a rather lengthy Philpot summary of the evening… Philpot summary: Will Means wrestles in 6 matches Notable chants of the night include: “ANDY or DREW,” “BREATH! (directed toward Ray-Z) (also, the most ununified chant of the night), “PINK or STINKY PINK”, “COTTAGE CHEESE,” “ORMSBY (most enthusiastic and longest lasting chant of the night),” “TRIO,” “SARA ANNE” (resulted in the largest display of virility and rage of the evening (excluding the T. Sharp storm)) “GILL’S STILL BETTER,” and “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (origin unknown) Notable Quotables “I took pain killers.” – Kalvin Graham “Anaconda Squeeze!” – Zach Hailey “Breath!” –everyone “Who was that? I like that. It’s great!” –Chris McDonald “Hey that knee lock doesn’t mean anything” (in reference to Will Means’ vain attempt at an “anaconda squeeze”) – Chris McDonald “Remember who you are and whose you are…and where you are.” -BG “Hey, I found my contact” – Carson “Do it for Gullotta!” – Tyler Tipton …there are no words for the rage of Tanner Sharp… “that’s what she said…aww dang! (Laughs) I’m not done.” – Will Means Notable Moments - Mauldin pins Dryden -Zach Hailey’s body -Tanner Sharp “losing” his temper (props to Chad the peacemaker for stepping in to quell the T. Sharp storm) - Kyle Johnson’s (with no arms) flawless take down and choke out against T Webb (with no legs) - And finally, Blark wins. ...oh and Jake Wells shows that he really isn't such a nice guy becoming the reigning AWF Champion of 2013.